- A poor performance review at work led to significant stress and weight loss for the author.
- She didn't expect a negative review and found the feedback unclear.
- The experience taught her valuable lessons in self-advocacy and career management.
During one particularly difficult fall, I lost 15 pounds in three months, and people around me quickly noticed. Some friends said in passing that I looked incredible — I was startlingly underweight. Other people expressed concern, asking as discreetly as possible whether something was wrong.
I'm certain my friends and family would've found it oddly comforting to know the cause of this sudden and dramatic shift, maybe a devastating breakup or financial stress. How could I tell them I was unwell because I was just really stressed out — like, really, really stressed out — all because of a bad performance review?
My first poor performance review
After years of working in tech, I received my first poor performance review. I was deeply anxious about how it would affect my career trajectory and struggled to understand how I "didn't meet expectations" without knowing it.
I interpreted my hitting key milestones, conversations with my manager, and the feedback I received from my peers as positive signals — green lights to continue working as I always had.
I was exhausted and discouraged, and the poor performance review increased my mental fatigue. I saw no escape.
I didn't know what I did wrong
When I asked why I was told I didn't meet expectations, I was repeatedly given opaque answers. I continued to ask for supporting evidence for the poor performance review but never received a clear answer. I struggled to understand my rating and therefore how to change it.
At many companies, a sole person, often your manager, delivers a performance review. and even with the feedback of colleagues, managers decide the final rating.
A bad performance review, which can get in the way of promotions and team transfers or even threaten your job, often isn't standardized. Each manager can have a different process and subjectively evaluate an employee's work. This became problematic because I had difficulty understanding how my work translated to my review.
A standardized performance process and clear communication would've significantly reduced my mental fatigue and increased my productivity in that specific role, which would've benefited my team and company in the long term.
Not understanding the reason for my bad review caused more stress than the bad review itself
To me, it felt like the sentiment from my manager was that this poor review was just one quarter.
I teared up at how cavalier this seemed. It felt like my job security was being torn at the seams. I panicked at the thought of losing my salary, my career progress, and my reputation in my role. I often thought about how it must've been only a passing thought to my manager.
The worst part is that I had no idea how I arrived at this point in my career or how to fix it.
My judgment felt clouded, and I had difficulty separating fact from fiction. I didn't and couldn't understand why and how my performance wasn't meeting the expectations outlined for my role.
I was so poorly equipped to navigate this ambiguous terrain and so stressed at the thought of losing my job that over the following weeks, eating and sleeping felt impossible.
Shortly after, two friends shared their own experiences about stressful work environments, managers, and performance ratings. I was surprised by these stories, and they made me reconsider everything I knew about performance reviews.
The entire experience taught me a powerful lesson
I always avoided asking about my performance at work. I lived with a preconceived idea that my work should and would always speak for itself. If I didn't apply pressure to my performance trajectory — if I didn't ask, engage, or insist on understanding my work evaluation before it was delivered — I avoided what I then considered painfully awkward questions. I now consider those conversations necessary interactions for self-advocacy.
This experience taught me to directly ask the following questions before reviews:
- Do you have any feedback for me?
- Where can I improve?
- Is there anything I should know before my next performance review?
- Where do I stand?
One bad performance review doesn't need to signal the loss of a career. It can be a compelling sign that something isn't functioning as it should — an opportunity to reassess your approach to work, a nudge to take agency in your career trajectory, or even a chance to recognize that maybe it's time to move on from your role or company.
The lessons I've learned in self-advocacy are more consequential than any "exceeding expectations" review could've ever given me. I've learned to speak up, disagree, and champion myself all because of one bad review.
I'm forever grateful for those lessons and where they've led me: to a job I love, a renewed self-confidence in myself and my work, and the excitement to share my story.
Sandra Milosevic works in engineering, product, and design enablement. She'd been in the tech space for over eight years and is a former Uber and Snap employee passionate about people, learning, and development processes.